The Princess Cake

Recently a "friend" of mine posted Facebook pictures of his son's birthday cake. The cake was beautiful, pink with flowers and a crown. It was a cake fit for a princess, however, not a prince. I watched the comments start rolling in, most of which seemed confused or uncomfortable. The father explanined that his son wanted a "princess cake." I like to consider myself very liberal and open minded, yet, I began to wonder what I would do if one of my boys wanted a princess cake. I found myself quite uncomfortable with the idea. I started debating in my head what would be the best parenting strategy. Did my friend do the right thing or was he encouraging his child to be gender confused? Was it responsible to get the boy a cake that might make his friends tease him? Would the kids even notice anyway or would they just be consumed with the concept of eating cake? Recently a book was published by a mother whose son likes to wear dresses and nail polish. "My Princess Boy" was written to break down the stereotypes and traditional roles we impose on our children. It's a book about letting a child be him or herself despite what society thinks and feels. I was still uncomfortable both with the subject and my reaction to the subject. I decided to broach the topic with a good and very intelligent friend of mine over dinner one night. We debated back and forth. She felt there was no harm in allowing a boy to be "girlie," pointing out that there is little stigma attached to little girls who behave like "Tomboys." She feels it's a parents role to keep a child happy and comfortable in his/her own skin whether that means that skin is in a skirt or riding a scooter. I agreed, but also pointed out that it's also a parents' responsibility to protect a child from a world that can often be too cruel and unforgiving. "If the world is going to be cruel, let them be. Don't let the child remember that mom and dad were cruel too. " With that my friend won the debate. If my child wants something that will make him happy, so long as he is not hurting anybody, it is my duty to see to that happiness. I would be lying, however, if I denied that I do silently cheer at the fact that my boys' favorite toys are their cars and trucks. I am, after all, a product of a very clearly defined era of gender roles. My boys' generation will most likely not even notice.