High Maintanance

I'm beginning to see how a woman who once dressed to kill can end up in mom jeans. When working, maintaining (semi maintaining) a home, and maintaining your children (if you have a man in your life this includes him) it's very difficult to have the energy to keep up with you. I find that my roots get longer and grayer, my gym ID gets swiped less often, and I haven't seen the inside of a yoga studio since before I got pregnant. As difficult as it is I suck it up, because, I am a vain women. I simply would never be happy in a pair of muffin topped mom jeans. So I often drag myself to the gym, the salon, and force myself to wear fitted jeans, full makeup, and a nice top even if I'm just going to the market. Finding time isn't all that challenging, I can get up an hour earlier, go to bed an hour later, watch my favorite tv show from a treadmill. Caffeine was invented for a reason, to give us the boost we need so a cup of tea comes in handy when I need that boost. There are time cures and energy cures. This is not my issue, the guilt is. Mom guilt, it's a concept I heard of but never quite understood, until now. Recently one of my toddlers went postal when "da da" went upstairs to shower. He hurled himself up the first step, which is as far as he has taught himself to go. I picked him up and tried to comfort him. He continued to scream for his father. My heart sank. Is this what happens when mommy works more than daddy? Has my need to spend so much time away from my kids made me persona non grata? Since this incident, every thing I have done for myself non work related has been tainted with guilt. My workouts, hair appointments, even solo trips to the grocery store are now rituals I feel bad about. I think, do I really have to exercise, get my roots covered, need to buy produce when there are two little ones at home who are missing me? I try to rationalize that a happy mommy means a happy child but I'm not so sure anymore. I tell myself that by exercising I am guaranteeing that I'll be healthier and here for them longer. I think that by getting those roots covered I'm helping to ensure that daddy stays attracted to mommy which also is for their benefit. Produce, well we do need that, and until the market has bigger carts that can contain twins, it's just easier on the days I can't get someone to help me to go it alone. My husband doesn't like going on family trips to the market, despite my fitted jeans and full makeup.