Do I Have To?

It's been quite a few days since my last post. The greatest reason is probably because March is the busiest month for me at work. Until this month is over I have tunnel vision, only thinking about my "9 to 5" life. It's survival, I have to do things this way or I'll go mad. So I've had very little to say, because I haven't allowed myself to think too much outside of the basics of getting through the work day and making sure the bare minimum happens at home so that my family is at least well fed and not living in squalor. In the back of mind though, is this blog, and my few, very few, readers. Every night I fall into bed and the little voice in my head says "Tammy, you didn't write for your blog again, you are never going to build a following. Those who do follow you are going to lose interest. You will let them down." This voice torments me over and over until I answer it, as I have with many failed endeavors of my past, "Do I have to?" The answer of course is no, I don't. I have to care for my children, I have to buy food, cook, clean my house, I have to go to work and provide for my family. These things get no argument from me. The sad thing is writing is what I WANT to do, but I'm so bogged down with non negotiable things that I have to do, that suddenly things I want to do feel like work. Even sex can often feel like a chore because all the have to dos are sucking the life out of me. So I apologize for my lapse in communication. There will be times when I have tons to say and seem to be posting daily, and others where I've appeared to have abandoned you all. Until the day that the "want to dos" can outweigh my "have to dos" please bare with me. I hold out faith that it will one day happen, I HAVE to. ;)